Profile apretender: Insert your own witty headline here

Basic Information Tell us a bit about yourself.

I Can Speak English
I Would Describe Myself As I'm a professional cynic committed to irony. I have no problem being the idiot getting laughs in the middle of the room, simply because I've done it so much I'm now numb to it. I buy books and never read many of them. I will threaten you with bodily harm, deal with it. Water calms me. I love to cook, thusly I love the Food Network. Day-dreaming is dangerous. I despise the paparazzi but have to read every tabloid magazine in line at the grocery store. I love to dance... probably because there's a soundtrack to my life playing in my head. Often times I have complete conversations consisting of nothing but movie quotes. Buddhism has too many precepts. I hate being lazy, but have been known to stay in my bed for 48 hours straight. People with less than 4% body fat make me self-conscious. "Pianist" sounds funny. I only eat organic foods, but will have a hamburger every chance I get. Street noises create musical scores in my head. There's no such thing as bad Asian food, however, I know some bad Asians. I know what I did last summer. I know a little about a lot of things, a lot about a few things, but I know everything about Dawson's Creek. I still jump on the bed and then fix the covers so no one ever knows. At first I thought Soderbergh was just lucky but after "Traffic", I stand corrected. Website usability is relative. The first woman I ever loved was my mother. Far off stars and thoughts of infinite space overwhelm me. I believe in the healing powers of: sleep, music, love, and fried chicken with collard greens. Hand-drumming is a great way to meet weird people. People that constantly apply lip balm creep me out. Zoos depress me. I fail to understand America's obsession with Paris Hilton, she looks like a Great Dane. Creativity is my genre and I dabble with digital art on occasion. I like to think that I forgive easily, but I've been mad at my father for 3 years. I believe that humans are animals and what we call "teaching" is really only "training." Words move me. Techno is not music. Global warming doesn't exist. I'm a writer whom nearly flunked English. (Get it?) My dog is my best friend because he always listens to me no matter what. I'm highly intelligent, yet I suck at math, Jeopardy and burrito eating contests. Happiness is only an illusion. I learned a great deal about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness from Internet porn. Sunshine bothers my eyes. A slow tune on Scottish bagpipes is hauntingly beautiful. I've never felt the earth move. Laughter is crucial. I desperately want to wear a kilt. Technology is cool and I crave all-in-one devices. Mushrooms are the food of the gods. Since the age of fifteen, I've made home movies. Heaven is a place within that one can't live without. I know that's cheesy... yum, Brie. I'm not liberal enough to be a Democrat and not conservative enough to be a Republican. I know why the sky is blue. I really enjoy edgy comedy. Jon Stewart should hire me but never will. I sing. I'm sensitive. I can be cranky. My brother is kind-hearted and often misunderstood. Apple is the computer of my eye. My phone only rings when someone's calling. Candlelit dinners look flickeringly funny. Sometimes I won't talk to people for days simply to make them miss me. I love NYC and dream of living there. I synchronize clocks. I'm quick to judge and slow to mend. I'm gentle. The only dogs I like are mine. I get mad like House MD and identify with Chuck. Sticky notes are all over my desk, but I can't remember what they're for. My hair is brown, and thinning. I can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. The Internet inspired me to reach beyond my limitations. I'm a hopeful romantic. I have been told that 30 is the new 20... and I know this to be a big, fat lie. Reptiles are fascinating but too scary to touch. Dreams are what reality is made of. Void where prohibited. Some restrictions apply.
Sign Aries

Appearance & Situation What's your present situation? Describe your appearance.

My Body Type Is Average
My Height Is 6' 0 (1.83 m)
My Eyes Are Brown
My Ethnicity Is Caucasian
My Marital Situation Is Single
I Have Kids No
My Best Feature Is Lips
My Hair Is Brown
Willing To Relocate Yes

Status What do you do?

My Education Level Is College Degree
My Current Employment Status Is Full-time
My Speciality Is Administrative / Management
I Live Alone
At Home All Is Calm

Personality How do you act? What are your tastes?

Back In High School, I Was A Class Clown
My Social Behavior Is Observant, Friendly, Comedic, Flirtatious
My Interest And Hobbies Are Reading, Learning, Music, Tv, Movies, Internet, Dining, Photography, Theater, Travel, Cooking, Camping, Computers
My Idea Of A Great Time Is Hanging Out With Friends, Trying New Things, The Movies, Relaxing, Drinking, Reading A Book, Tv, Going To A Museum
My Friends Describe Me As Being Friendly, Perfect

Views Views on life.

My Religion Is Spiritual But Not Religious
My Political Views Are Middle Of The Road
My Kind Of Humor Is Clever, Dry / Sarcastic

Taste What do you like?

On Tv, I Always Watch News, Movies

Looking for What are you looking for in your soulmate?

What Do You Find Attractive? Intelligence, Good Looks, Humor, Money, Flirtatiousness, Wit
What Kind Of Relationship Are You Seeking? Date